


An Exchange of Silent Smiles

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-04
Updated: 2009-01-04
Packaged: 2019-01-23 14:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12509828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: [Fic Exchange '08] Remus is having nightmares about his furry little problem. One sweltering night, Sirius awakens him for an illuminating surprise and teaches him about a different side to losing control.





	An Exchange of Silent Smiles

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

Merry Christmas, Alya (alya1989262)!

.

** An Exchange of Silent Smiles **

 

He blinks several times, hoping the darkness will fade; it only deepens. The pressure is claustrophobic. He stretches his arms out in front of him and tries to swallow his terror. He takes a tentative step forward, grasping for something solid; there is nothing. A chill passes through his body at the idea of this blind solitude.

Panic mounts in his chest. _Have I lost my eyesight? Where am I?_

He claws his hands through the air, hoping to catch them upon something. The dark is unending and empty. Finally, a cry escapes his mouth; it vibrates through the column of his throat and passes his tongue, but no sound ruptures the blackness around him.

The silence presses heavily upon his ears, his face; he screams again, this time involuntarily. Still there is no sound. His knees buckle, forcing him to collapse onto a mercilessly cold floor. He realizes he is naked as goosebumps rise on his skin, and he convulses with dread.

_I have died._

At the same instant that this thought occurs, a spasm attacks his feeble body, twisting it into an agonizing angle.

_No..._

Even in death, he cannot escape the transformation.

His flesh becomes pinched and tight and a feral lust consumes him; this time a noise penetrates the dark, becoming amplified in the absence of life. He wails a haunting howl.

 

"Wake up," a voice commanded.

Remus opened his eyes and the world assumed its usual depth and shadows. It was late at night; an hour for the climax of dreams, and Remus felt a sense of relief at missing his own. Outside, a chorus of insects serenaded the stars that twinkled brightly against a midnight cobalt sky. Though it was only the start of Spring's transition into Summer, the air was thick with humidity. Remus gasped for breath, drawing the dampness into his lungs. The meager and clammy breaths reminded him of the suffocating darkness buried behind his eyelids. Another chill ran the length of his sweat-saturated body.

Hands gently peeled away the damp sheet strangling Remus' hips. "...Maybe a run or  
something of the sorts. It's far too hot to sleep anyways," Sirius said almost imperceptibly, wadding the sheet in his hands.

He was kneeling beside Remus' bed, talking in a hushed tone. The sound of Sirius' voice was a soothing presence to Remus, still fighting to control his shivers. The rhythm of James' and Peter's breathing coming from their still and peaceful curtained beds also did wonders to calm his fatigued senses; the simple noises of life chased away the terrible dream.

Remus threw his legs over the side of the bed, slightly unsteady and unable to meet his friend's gaze. Sirius, still speaking, motioned at Remus' wand, lying on the bedside table. "Might need that, mate, you never know after all. Like my uncle always said, a man should always be prepared for anything..."

Remus stood, grabbing his wand. Sirius stripped Remus' bed and tossed the second sheet to the floor. A moment later, the bed was freshly made and tucked, courtesy of the resident Gryffindor house-elf. Sirius stood up and shoved his hands in his pajama pockets. The maroon pajamas with black prisoner-style stripes fit Sirius' mischievous grin perfectly.

"So how about it? It'll be a _howling_ good time," Sirius said in a whisper. Though his voice was lowered to a rasp, Remus could detect that characteristic enthusiasm even then, well past midnight on a _Thursday_.

Remus pocketed his wand and gave a mute shrug. He still didn't have the courage to meet Sirius' gaze, and while he did not really feel like doing anything, he agreed for the sole sake of pleasing his friend. With that, Sirius casually plodded down the staircase and out the Common Room portrait. Remus followed close behind, his thoughts occupied.

It was nowhere near the full moon; in fact, this night, there wasn't even a small fingernail ghost of a moon. Remus fretted about this as he followed Sirius down stair after stair. Lately Remus' _disease_ had been particularly aggressive. His appetite had been insatiable even when he'd taken his medicinal potions, his mind was unfocused, his disposition was unusually quiet, and his body ached with weariness from keeping his instincts at bay.

Remus had been having night terrors for six nights straight; in the mornings, he woke up last and feeling weak. Sleep became a chore, and it was a private humiliation to bewitch his bed curtains in order to keep the sound of his anguish from his friends. They still gave him worried looks at the breakfast table.

Perhaps it was the warm weather stirring his inner beast. Or perhaps it was the stress of the end of the year sneaking up so quickly and him being ill-prepared for exams and goodbyes. Perhaps it was simply manhood. The cause of the incessant sickness Remus bottled up inside himself didn't really matter; it only mattered that he couldn't ever let it out.

Beside Remus, Sirius strolled the corridors casually in his bare feet. If he minded Remus' dark mood, he didn't show it; in fact, he looked fit to whistle. Sirius looked at Remus from the corner of his eye, saying, "I heard the best joke the other day." The dark-haired boy looked at Remus with raised eyebrows. Remus gestured with his hands for Sirius to continue. "Why did the house-elf divorce her master?"

"Why?" Remus asked, actually curious and glad his voice didn't sound as exposed as he felt.

"He bought her lingerie for their anniversary!" Sirius began laughing. As was his custom, he even stopped walking to double over and slap his knee. Remus chortled despite himself, mostly at the production Sirius was making of his own incredibly bad joke.

When Sirius stood up straight, he pretended to wipe a tear from his eye and looked to Remus. Satisfaction lit up his handsome face at the sight of Remus' faint smirk. In reaction to Sirius' satisfaction, Remus' smile broadened with genuine joy.

As they reached the doors leading to the grounds, an entire conversation had taken place in the form of smiles. This was not so unusual; Sirius had a way of understanding Remus without words. The dark-haired boy was privy to Remus' subtle body and facial language in a way that no one else was; sometimes Remus was sure Sirius even knew his very thoughts.

Thus, when they padded off the stone walkway, away from the castle, and felt the cold dewy grass catch between their toes, the only exchange between the boys was that of one sinful smile. As if a gunshot had erupted, signaling the beginning of a grand race, the two boys launched themselves down a sloped knoll into the beckoning darkness.

Remus filled his lungs with sweeter-tasting air than that of the stuffy dormitory he had been confined to before. He inhaled down to the bottom of his organs, becoming high off the refreshing and liberating sensation.

Pumping his legs and feeling the strain in his thighs, Remus ran, overcome by the bliss of speed and agility. No matter how ill he felt, how plagued he was by his disease, running pleasured both sides of him. It was a mutual instinct that was easy to tap and surrender to.

Beside him, Sirius ran with strides perfectly synchronized to Remus'. They ran on and on, away from their separate demons and to each other—and Remus lost all his fears whilst running with Sirius.

Together they neared the lapping shore of the lake, and Remus' lungs began to sear with sharp pain. Remus welcomed such pain, as it was the result of his body well tested and a distance conquered.

Upon reaching the mouth of the long wooden dock, another wordless conversation took place. Another smile filled the silence and Remus marveled at how much it differed from the horrifying one he had just endured: this one spoke a multitude of promises.

Racing down the stretch of the pier, shirts were discarded and thrown into the air like the flags of brotherhood. Remus shook his leg out of his trousers and followed Sirius to the edge of the dock, blind with the desire to feel the sting of frigid water on his sweltering body. Without pause, the boys dove into the lake with echoing splashes.

All the air left Remus' chest on impact with the water. He blew bubbles out of his nose, and would have laughed if his lungs had permitted it. When he buoyed to the surface, he flipped his hair back and opened his eyes to see the dotted sky above him.

Sirius surfaced an arm's length away, his dark hair spreading in the metallic gray water like a seeping spot of black ink. Remus watched the boy's svelte body beneath the glistening surface, awed by its glowing paleness and felt a blush stain his face. He was glad of the moonless night, which hid this unexpected embarrassment.

Only just out of reaching distance, Sirius gave Remus a penetrating stare. The water lapped at his earlobes and covered his lips, distorting them in a mirage of diamond shapes. Startled, Remus felt his foot skim against Sirius' under the water. Sirius swam closer, a devilish glint in his eyes, and Remus could feel the current he created with his legs swirling around him. Suddenly Sirius lifted his lips out of the water and spat a mouthful of water at Remus, missing by just an inch. In retaliation, Remus splashed an armful of water at Sirius' face, summoning a bark of laughter from the other boy. Splashing and chasing in the bottomless lake, Sirius and Remus defied the time for retired souls.

Some while later, Remus was floating on his back letting the nearly imperceptible waves carry him away when Sirius put a hand on his shoulder and said, "I want to show you something."

Remus swam after Sirius, who was headed for the shore; his splashing movements made the water gurgle. Extending his arms down, he crawled in the silken mud on the bed of the shore as Sirius sloshed his way out of the water. "Stay right there," Sirius said, and walked toward what Remus assumed was the dock; it was dark and hard to tell.

" _Artafise Lunius_." Remus heard the whisper somewhere above him and then, suddenly, a bright light illuminated everything. The water glimmered with silvery beams, and the shore and the grassy knolls surrounding the lake glowed under the bleaching glare of a full moon.

Remus was unaware of the gasp that escaped his lips because he was too busy staring at the molten white _full_ _moon_ hanging low in the near horizon. Panicked, he looked down at his hands, waiting to feel the tug of transformation. He waited to see his flesh burst at the rapid growth of becoming a werewolf. He waited to feel the grief and revulsion at losing himself to the hungry beast that enslaved him at the full moon's demand.

But none of these things occurred. The only thing that happened was an involuntary trembling of his human body, naked in the cool silver water. After the initial shock wore off, Remus cast his eyes up to the now well-illuminated dock. Standing at the edge, looking out toward the horizon, stood Sirius.

Nude and fiercely white in the moonlight, Remus saw the curve of Sirius' bottom, the width of his shoulder, the ladder of spine creeping up his naked back. Remus felt a familiar sensation as his stomach dropped and a primal need permeated the blood in his veins. This time the feeling was a delicious thrill, and it intensified when Sirius looked back over his shoulder at Remus with smoldering gray eyes.

The look, dangerous with gratification and wild with lust, seemed to make Remus' heart stutter. His body responded immediately, becoming taut with arousal. Sirius dove off the dock into the lake and Remus ducked his head under the water, hoping to cool down.

Moments later, when Remus' head was above water, Sirius was walking through the water towards him. Remus gulped at the sight as Sirius stood inch by titillating inch up from the surface, his naked body dripping and eyes pinned on Remus. He encompassed an unapologetic savagery with which Remus couldn't identify—he could only admire.

Remus felt something rise in him, an impulse to ravage the haughty young man in front of him, to suck the droplets of water clinging to his chest. To throw caution to the winds and give in to temptation. It was the same feeling he felt when he lost his humanity during the full moon: the sensation of losing control.

"Do you like it?" Sirius asked, his voice was dangerously low-pitched.

Remus nodded mutely, scared to look at anything but Sirius' shins just below his

line of sight. They stayed still like that for a long series of moments. Then Sirius sat down in the water and Remus was relieved not to be face-to-face with all that glorious man.

"I know it's been kind of...difficult lately," Sirius whispered. Remus glanced at his face quickly. His heart beat loudly in his chest and he licked his lips nervously.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah. It has."

This time there was a long silence. Sirius looked over at Remus and smiled. Remus couldn't smile back because he was ashamed. He couldn't trust himself when he felt so out of control. He couldn't trust himself when he noticed every heartbreakingly beautiful freckle on Sirius' shoulders, or the trail of jet-black hair leading from his belly button and _down_. Worse still was the way he wanted to touch Sirius.

But Sirius' smile was a forgiving one. In the curves of his dimples and the small wrinkle in his nose, Remus saw an understanding smile with only a hint of sadness.

Sirius stood up and said, "Come on, then, we ought to get dressed."

Remus followed Sirius to the dock. They walked to the end, finding their clothes strewn about. Sirius had just retrieved his shirt when Remus found his courage and stood before him.

"You brought me the moon," Remus said seriously.

"I did. And it was no easy feat. I had to lift a vial of lunar extract from the Potions closet. I had to collect dozens of nocturnal flowers and brew the potion at exactly high noon on a Monday. But I did it for you. It's... _ahem_ , kind of symbolic. I think you should be free."

He reached out a hand and pushed a lock of Remus' hair from his forehead. The gesture was loving and familiar, echoing miscellaneous moments from the duration of their friendship. The way he retrieved Remus' fallen wand from the ground, the way he adjusted Remus' tie on the dreadful morning Remus was too exhausted to care. It was the same carefulness from previously in the night when Sirius stripped down Remus' bed. Sirius' face broke into another smile, this one immeasurably sweet.

Remus creased his brow and thought about Sirius in a new way—except it wasn't really new; it was just newly _permitted_. Feeling his mouth curve into its own smile, Remus communicated exactly what he was thinking.

Again a silent conversation occurred, this one sinful and not at all shameful. And basking under the light of an artificial moon, Remus kissed Sirius. He tasted like lake, but his tongue was warm and velvety. Shedding his fears, Remus ran his hands along Sirius' slick chest. His heart swelled with relief and ecstasy when Sirius' fingertips slid tenderly along the line of his jaw.

As if they were dancing, Sirius led Remus by the lips to a short plateau of grass. Seated together on the cushion of etiolated lawn, Remus gave in to his screaming instincts and really gave Sirius something to howl about.


End file.
